Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Worst Animals To Get Attacked By... Ever!

1. Bears:
Even if you're lucky enough to survive a vicious bear attack with all the biting and clawing and helpless screaming, bear attack victims often develop an irrational fear of plush toys and cutesy honey bottles.

2. Skunks:
The noxious odor of a skunk attack will give people the impression that you are homeless or a French stereotype.  This will increase the likelihood that you are given spare change by total strangers, but also increase the likelihood of being accused of rape by both humans and black cats.

3. Flies:
Being attacked by a swarm of flies can lead to being mistaken for a rotting zombie and subsequently getting a shotgun blast to the face.

4. Jabba the Hutt:
This clinically obese desert slug is worse than a French banker with ze large wallet for ze condoms and ze defense attorney money.

5. Goldfish:
Though goldfish attacks are rarely fatal, the embarrassment when people find out you were attacked by a goldfish can be quite stinging.  Goldfish victims often live lives of silent shame.

6. Spiders:
Spider venom can be lethal.  Being bitten by a spider can also lead to starring in much hyped Broadway musicals and subsequently plummeting to certain death while web swinging.

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