Thursday, May 24, 2012

Best Store Names Ever!

1. Hardware Store: Screw It Yourself

2. Natural Holistic Medicine Shop: Dirt Pharma

3. Electronics Store: Bzzzt Buy

4. Hamburger Restaurant: Cow Patties

5. Drive-Thru Hamburger Restaurant: Cow Patties Skid Marks

6. Video Store: Going Out Of Business

7. Clothing Store: Do I Look Fatshionable In These?

8. Erotic Car Repair Shop: Rubber & Wenches

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Best Nicknames For Presidential Candidates in 2012... Ever!

1. Mitt Romney: "Fist" Romney
It's a symbol of strength and tells voters what he'll do to the country.

2. Newt Gingrich: "Rich" Gingrich
It symbolizes his belief that all Americans can be rich.  You start off as a young kid working as a school janitor and work your way up to fabulous wealth as head of school janitorial services.

3. Rick Santorum: "Dick" Santorum
It symbolizes that he'll bring America back to the glory days of the 1950's, when women and minorities weren't uppity and "Dick" was a swell name for a fella.  It worked for "Tricky Dick" Nixon.

4. Herman Cain: "Her Man" Cain
All the ladies love "Her Man."  He gives them sausage pizzas and jobs... involving sausage pizzas.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Best Winter Activities Ever!

1. Freezing:
Experience the joy Han Solo felt when he realized he was in love with Princess Leia.

2. Playing Hide And Seek With Abominable Snowmen:
They're great at hiding!  A little too good.

3. Helping Out The Elves At Santa's Workshop:
By that, we mean working at a sweatshop along with child laborers.

4. Drinking Eggnog Without the Egg Or The Nog:
Just drinking.  (Warning: Drink responsibly.  Don't run over grandma or a reindeer.)

5. New Year's Eve:
Countdown to the end of the Mayan calendar!  Hooray???