Best New Careers For Charlie Sheen... Ever!

(by: FuntasticList.blogspot.com)

1. Two And A Half Men?:
It stars Charlie Sheen and his father Martin Sheen who's trying to save Charlie from his out of control, drug addled, sex depraved life.  The 1/2 man is played by a transvestite prostitute Charlie picked up.

2. Born Again Christian Televangelist:
Charlie Sheen's "redemption" story will include encounters with transvestite prostitutes.  But that was before he found Jesus (Jesus is a Hispanic drug dealer friend and wise man).

3. Crackhouse Manager:
Charlie Sheen can combine his work and play.  (Do they still have crackhouses?  Don't hear about them much these days.)

4. Spin City 2 And 1/2:
This time the spinning is Charlie Sheen's drug-induced dizziness.  (Guest starring Michael J. Fox!)

5. Inventor Of Tiger Blood And Adonis DNA Serum:
This scientific achievement will transform an ordinary man into a god!  (The Ancient Greek type of god who wear togas and eat grapes over their heads.)

Worst Donald Trump Projects Ever!

(by: FuntasticList.blogspot.com)

1. The Trump Sewage Processing Plant In Beautiful Atlantic City:
Since this gold-plated waste facility began operating, a record number of old men with metal detectors at the beach have found "treasure" consisting of toxic metals.  (Coincidence?  I think not!)

2. The Search For Barack Obama's Birth Certificate:
According to Trump: "I've made some incredible discoveries!  I discovered that Barack Obama has no library card!"

3. The "You're Fired!" Triangle Shirtwaist Factory:
Named after the infamous burned building and site of many tragic deaths, Trump shows his trademark "class."  (It's gold-plated to match the color of fire.)

4. The New Miss Universe Pageant:
It features Jabba the Hutt's wife representing planet Tatooine.

5. Donald Trump's Meticulously Constructed Comb Over:
You're not fooling anyone.

6. "Apprentice: Comb Over":
Learn from the master how to build a meticulously constructed comb over.

Worst Urban Legends Ever!

(by: FuntasticList.blogspot.com)

1. Waking Up In An Unfamiliar Hotel Room And Discovering That A Kidney Was Removed:
False.  They take half of the brain.  The half that dumb people don't use.

2. Santa Claus Evicted Superman From His Fortress Of Solitude Home At The North Pole:
When the Daily Planet went out of business, Clark Kent was unemployed and could no longer afford the rent.  Clark Kent had to sell his glasses too.

3. Richard Gere Wants To Marry A Gerbil That... (EUPHEMISM ALERT) Somehow Burrowed Into His Bikini Area:
The Dalai Lama will perform the marriage ceremony.

4. Walt Disney Was Cryogenically Frozen And Used To Cool The Booze Of An Alcoholic Mickey Mouse Depressed By The Death Of His Creator:
An alcoholic Mickey Mouse...  That would explain why Mickey Mouse is often shirtless.

5. Waking Up In An Unfamiliar Hotel Room And Discovering That A Finger On Each Hand Was Removed:
Mickey Mouse always wanted five fingers on each of his hands instead of four.  Mickey Mouse blames Walt Disney for this deformity.

6. An Alligator Living In the New York City Sewers Crawled Up A Toilet And Bit Donald Trump's Head Off (CORRECTION: Bit Donald Trump's Butt Off):
Common mistake given where most people think Trump's head is located.

7. Batman Contracted A Disease From Touching Bat Guano In The Batcave:
Now you know why Batman wears gloves.